On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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