there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
MIDGETS
????
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
