great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
