Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
