Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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