Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
