i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
