I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
