took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
