Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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