Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
