the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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