guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
