im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
