so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
