You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
