i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
