I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
