she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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