Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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