Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
