what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
