I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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