Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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