i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
