i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
