OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
