I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
