I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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