I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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