I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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