ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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