i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
