Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
