What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
