You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Will you blow on my dice?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
