wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had sex on a roof
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
