She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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