So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize