Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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