I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
