I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I believe in your delicious
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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