i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just want nice things and good sex
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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