oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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