Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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