1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
