I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
