I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
