Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
