6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
MIDGETS
????
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
