your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
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