In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
