We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
