sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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