I wish I only lived at night.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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