Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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