i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
