Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
