just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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