did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
