how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
