Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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