If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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