Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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