sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Congratulations! We have a period
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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