I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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