I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
