So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
