Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
