Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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