they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
