I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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