Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
