...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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