Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I FOUND THE LEGS
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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