Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
