I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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