No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
