I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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