Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize