I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i out mim tonsoeep
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize