New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
