Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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